If you read this whole post > bravo! 10 points to Gryffindor

So I went and bought the new Fall Out Boy CD last night. "Save Rock And Roll".  (And by "went and bought" I mean "sat on my butt and pushed 'purchase' in I-tunes".)

I've been a FOB fan since Junior High. 

I was a very naive and sheltered girl when I was little and up until 7th or 8th grade, I hadn't listened to any "modern", "popular" bands of the day. I was a pure 80's-and-whatever-my-parents-listened-to in terms of music. Then, at a friends house, I heard All American Rejects for the first time. I kinda felt wrong listening to it. (What is this "rock-and-roll" loud music we are listening to? i think i like it.) I know. I'm an 80 year old Nun-don't judge. Then they played "Paper Heart" at a church dance and I realized the beauty that is Modern Pop music. AAR will forever be my first and I will always love them.

Fast forward a bit. Remember Instant Messaging? Before everyone had a phone with unlimited Texting? It was the coolest and cruelest thing I can remember. It was the beginning of people thinking they could say ANYTHING they wanted because you weren't face-to-face with someone. I shed a lot of tears because of what people said on IM...but that's another story... Remember how you could write a little blurb at the top of your IM box that basically said "ask me about this cool ambiguous sentence-i'm-so-cool"...well a few of my friends had the weirdest blurbs, so I asked them what they meant. "Oh! They're song lyrics! It's this awesome band called Fall Out Boy..."

So I looked them up. I listened to a song. My ears buzzed and my heart sang. I couldn't get the smile off my face. This Modern Pop/Rock stuff was pretty darn awesome!

My girl friend burned me a mixed-cd (which was also pretty awesome) with all the FOB songs her brother had. Addicted.

I found out FOB was playing a concert at UVU (which was still UVSC then). I had never been to a concert before. I had to be there. I hesitantly told my parents that the only thing I wanted for my 16th birthday was a ticket to this concert. I never thought they would actually get it, but I had to try!

Fast forward to my 16th birthday. I was handed an envelope. Inside > 2 tickets to the FOB concert in Orem! I thought I was in a dream. Life could not get any better! And then I looked at the ticket again. "Fall Out Boy" opened by "All American Rejects"...WHAT?! This was like heaven in a ticket. I. could. not. believe. it.

At school I told my "friends" about the concert and how excited I was. & I got so much crap. Inside my naive little girl was whispering 'what? i thought this was cool to go to concerts'...."They're such sell-outs," my guy friends would say. I had never had guy friends before-so what they said made an impression on me and made me feel really stupid. 

(side note: wouldn't "selling-out" a concert be a good thing? don't you want people to come? i've never understood that term....anyway...)

This is the point in my life where, looking back, I see myself making the first decisions to choose who I was going to be in my life. Was I going to be the wishy-washy girl that agreed with her "friends" just to belong, or was I going to do things that made me happy, regardless of what people thought?

I'm proud to say I believe I made the right choice. Looking back now, I wonder why I was ever friends with them...but that is also another story. ;)

I invited my friend Adriana that was part of another group that I didn't think I belonged-but she was really nice to me and I liked spending time with her and she didn't make fun of me for what bands I listened to.

We went to the concert and I drank it all in. I danced and sang and laughed and had a fantastic time. It will be something that I always remember.

As time has gone by, I have changed (a lot) from that person I was at 16. I realized the pedestal I had put all boys on is actually below sea level. There are only a few that are strong enough to climb out and join me on land. Not that I'm saying I'm so high above people--I just realized that boys-i-thought-could-do-no-wrong are actually human too, and I choose to be around the ones that actually make me feel good about myself. 

I realized that music can be really great for your soul, or really bad for it and that it's worth experimenting to find the stuff that makes you happy.

Through it all, I have never stopped loving Fall Out Boy. Maybe it's a silly thing, but I see it as a metaphor-if I would have listened to my "friends" and stopped listening to FOB (aka stopped doing things I loved), then I would not be the person I am today. I have worked really hard to become this girl, and I am proud of ME.

When I was 17, I was working at an Ice Cream shop in the mall and I met some of the nicest boys I've ever met. They were a year older than me, they were part of the "dangerous" crowd. I knew they smoked and drank and partied, but when I was with them-they were so respectful and kind to me. Another lesson I learned > just because someone is a church-goer doesn't mean they are Christ-like and visa versa.

Anyway, one of them knew I loved FOB and he liked them too. So one day (after he no longer worked at the shop btw) he texted me and told me they had finally come out with another album! I was so excited and couldn't wait to hear it. Then, to my surprise-he came to the shop and handed me a CD burned with their music. (That was probably illegal...oops.) It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me because I knew he liked me for me and not for what was popular. I popped in the CD and we sat there soaking in the beat. Heaven.

Listening to their new CD this morning on the way to work, all these memories came back to me. Some of them painful, but I really realized how far I've come since then. I'm grateful for the choices I made, the people I stayed friends with, and the ones I kicked to the curb. 

I'm not afraid to like what I like. I'm proud to be the person I am. I don't hide it anymore. and guess what? I still have friends. Real friends. Ones that care for and love me NO MATTER WHAT. I love you for that. Thank you for being my friend-whether you like Fall Out Boy or not. ;)

i'd like to fast forward please

You know those days when you wake up and you can just feel it's an off-day? Yeah, today is one of those days. And the creeper man at the Toy Helicopter kiosk across from me keeps staring at me. yikes. can i just go home and go back to sleep please? gah.

on the brighter side: Supernatural is on tonight! Hallelujah. Can't wait. 

also. yesterday my friend and I bought tickets for the first showing of Thor 2. ahhhh! tom hiddleston, i love you. 16 days and counting.

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hooray for small victories

Small victory today:

Had a coupon in my email for $20 off a $50 purchase. So of course I have to use it! I went and found something I kinda liked. I was not in love by any means. Before pressing "Complete Purchase" I let it sit there for a second while I did something else and thought about it. I came back to it 3 hours later and closed the tab. I didn't really need it. I didn't even really like it that much. Even though that is a good deal, I didn't need to spend that money.

Then I heard a little "ching" in my mind. $30 going into my imaginary "Saving-for-England" jar. yay!

p.s. if you want this coupon--comment on this post and I'll forward the email to you. ;) Just because I didn't use it doesn't mean is should go unused. ;)

Small Talk

What about this weather, eh? Gorgeous-absolutely gorgeous! ;)

Today is the epitome of the perfect weather day to me. I walked out to my car to go to work and the crisp chilly air wrapped around me. I took a deep breath of the woodsy damp trees and crunched across the lovely carpet the leaves had made for me. The sky was white with wispy clouds drizzling drops of rain. The trees all around were orange and red and yellow. I jammed along with Sara Barellies' "Little Black Dress" and watched the ink black birds glide across the foggy white sky. I have leather on the elbows of my cardigan and sparkles on my shoes. I have hours at work to browse through images of Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch and sing along with Bridget Mendler's "Blonde" {for the 80th time}. Life is lovely today. I have to try to remember these few days of fall before winter comes--and worse--summer again. I wish everyday could be autumn. Beautiful, gorgeous autumn.

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find the beauty in today

The best part of fall...

Supernatural Season Premiere is on tonight. Season 9. Holy Cow. I am so excited!

Thanks to my girl, Blaynie, who introduced me to the show; I have been part of the fandom since day 01. I am one of the few. I am one of the ones that has watched faithfully for 8 years. Even when I was in college and didn't have a telly, I would watch the second it was posted on cwtv.com. I've never missed an episode. I own all 8 seasons on DVD and I've watched them all (minus season 8 that just came out) over 5 times each. Not to say you are any less if you joined the fandom later; but it's pretty cool to say I'm one of the first fans. 

My little 15 year old self fell in love with Dean and have grown with him through the years. You know when you watch home videos of yourself when you're younger and you get that embarrassed 'yikes-i-did-that?' feeling? Sometimes I watch episodes from the first few seasons and I get that same feeling for Dean. I know what's coming for him and it hurts my heart a bit. Then to see Sam so innocent in the firsts and to know all the heartache and hard choices that are coming--I just want to hug him and keep him innocent forever.

Maybe that's a bit how God feels about us. He knows what is coming for us and knows what we should do to be prepared or prevent the heartache-but we are so young and naive>I'm sure it kills Him to have us go through the pain anyway-when He'd rather just hug us and keep us safe. But then we would never grow and learn. You can't stay the same forever. You've got to make choices and learn from them. Yes, we will have heartache and pain; and it will be really hard-but if we keep trying-we WILL make it through and be better on the flip side. 

When I have a bad day; when I don't know what to watch; when nothing seems good enough: I can always go to Supernatural. I know it sounds a bit crazy to be that in love with a TV show, but I think it's a metaphor for my life. When I go back and watch episodes, I can remember things I was doing or thinking when I first watched that episode. Memories...lots of memories and lessons hidden in these episodes for me.

Can't wait to see what surprises they've come up with for the new season! 8pm tonight! WHOO!

Smashing

i'm on my 5th smash book now--so many ideas, so little pages! ;)

I love Smash Books because not only do they capture the memories you're smashing about--but I can remember the exact Doctor Who episode I was watching while cutting out all of those green triangles up there and it makes me smile. You know how 'they' say that if you chew a flavor of gum while you're studying and the same flavor when you take the test then it helps you remember more? It's like that. But better--cause it's Journaling and Doctor Who. :)

wanderlust

 smash book-ed about my West Coast road trip...

are we called fans because they are so hot?

i did it. i wrote my first ever fan letter. can you guess to whom?

My Bcumberbatch of course!

i told him i was in awe of the incredible actor and person he was. i told him i loved sherlock and couldn't wait for the next series. i told him i was excited to see what he's done for smaug in the next hobbit movie. i told him he was brilliant in star trek: into darkness.

i didn't tell him i loved him and wanted to marry him. i didn't tell him we'd be a great couple. i didn't tell him my pinterest feed was full of his face. but i kinda{really} wanted to.

i sent an illustration i drew of him and the lovely martin freeman in their sherlock garb.

i asked if he would pretty please sign and send back the enclosed pictures of his sexy face.

and then i sent it. !! 

cross your fingers, wear your lucky underwear, hold your breath...whatever you do for luck>do it and send it my way! it would be a DREAM to hear back from him! ;) 

here's to hoping!

Art Journal

Did you know?

My happy place

Do you have a happy place? A place where you can go and feel peace and calm and content?

My room is mine, I think. I've lived in so many different places in the past 4-5 years that I HAD to make my room a sanctuary or else anxiety would take over. 

I don't allow yelling or fighting in my room. I have a mini-fridge {read: box of happiness}, a comfy bed full of pillows, a TV {read: small box of happiness}, and everything on the walls or shelves means something to me. Each thing has a specific place in my heart. It is me. It is my hideaway, my happy place, my sanctuary.