It's time

My life lately has taken a turn that has changed everything. Not only have I been struggling with sorting out things that have happened in my family, but my poor body is struggling to keep up. I've been to doctor after doctor since my last semester in college trying to figure out what is wrong. After tons of blood tests we found out I have problems with my Thyroid which causes exhaustion, depression, weight gain, etc. Which is fine. A small pill daily fixes this for most people. Which it really did for me. For about a year. Looking back on it now, I was feeling really good-exercising everyday, had energy, smiled, enjoyed things...

Then I started feeling crappy again. I adjusted my medications, got on some that made me feel crappier, adjusted again...by now I feel almost toxic with all the crap I've swallowed-all with the hope that it would help me feel better.

Still not feeling great, I heard of a doctor that specialized in thyroid problems and hormone replacement. I heard his office had helped a lot of people, so I made an appointment.

My doctor is the sweetest thing. She explains everything so well and makes me feel like I really will get better.

We switched and added some medications...it's been 3 months and I still feel so crappy. I have no energy. I seriously drag myself to work, come home at 5:00 and get straight into bed. I'm 23 years old! I should have energy to go out and meet people and have fun...but all I do is lay in bed and watch Netflix.

Which is fine every once in a while. But everyday!?--and I don't even have enough energy to go hang out with my friends once a week? It's getting ridiculous. 

I want to feel good. I have so much to do with my life. I have so many dreams that need to come true. 

I deserve to feel good.

I saw on Instagram a few people that, instead of New Years Resolutions, pick a Word of the Year and strive to be/do/expand that word the whole year. I love that idea, so one night I picked up my pen and wrote down a list of words that I would like to become. They were all good: (healthy, happy, joyful, creative, helpful) but one stood out to me-it was my word. It would be hard-especially with how I've been feeling; but life will never be PERFECTly how I dreamed, so I need to be able to enjoy my life in spite of things that happen to me.

In French "enjoy" is "jouir"...take it a step further and make it "jouir de" and it means {enjoy, delight, have a hell of a time}.

I'm trying to {slowly} learn French this year too, so this fit in perfectly with the goals I want to achieve.

There are so many people out there that feel way worse than me and manage to enjoy their life-why shouldn't I be able to?!

I'm sick of waiting to feel better before I do things I've wanted to do my whole life.

 Life is too fragile to not enjoy it. 

I'll still go to the doctor and try to find things to help my body feel better-but my mindset has to change from "endure" to "enjoy". Not necessarily "happy" because to me that means {smiling ear to ear, laughing hysterically, playing games...} aka, exhaustion to me right now.

But to really ENJOY something you are sitting back and looking at the good among the bad. 

It's a slower adjective. A fuller heart. A fuller mind. A fuller life.

That's what I need right now. And what I'll need for the rest of my life. 

I'll start slow, but eventually I know I'll accomplish everything I've ever dreamed.